How Football and Sports Helped Me Grieve with Losing My Father
They say time is a good healer after dealing with grief. I have found that to be true and I have found that a good distraction in football has helped.
In the summer of 2023, my mother and I lost an important person in our lives. I lost a father who provided so much for me, my mum lost a husband and who were just celebrated forty-three years of marriage in May 2023. My father sadly lost his life on June 13th, 2023, at 2 am at the age of sixty-nine to sepsis. I was there at the end and was one of the last people to see him alive as he struggled in his final breaths.
I owe everything to him. It has been two years, and life has gotten a lot better and you get to see a different perspective on things. This is a guy who got me into football at the age of 7 in 1994, watched Swindon Town in the 1993-94 Premier League season, where it was the only sole appearance in the top-flight. Ever since until his passing, I had a season ticket sat next to him.
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Sport helped me cope with the grief of losing a loved one during the summer of 2023 was the highly contested Ashes series in England between England and Australia. Along with football, Cricket is a past love of mine. There was emotion when England drew the series 2-2 at the Oval and Stuart Broad took the last two wickets in his final match to win the game and tie the Series.
But there was a bit of emptiness for me when the 2023/24 season started in August, it was the first time I went to football without my dad. He stopped going with a few games remaining of the 2022-23 season as his health was starting to deteriorate, his mobility was getting worse, and it was a struggle for him on his Scooter to sit in the cold and watch football. At the time, I could not fathom but after his passing, I totally understood why. He lost his independence and felt like a burden, and in the last few months before his death, he completely shut down.
There was an empty void and a seat next to me where I sit in the Don Rogers stand at the Nigel Eady County Ground. But as I said to my mum and to my close friends, every home game I watch since his passing, I feel his presence beside me. Swindon Town football club was excellent to me, and my mother and my dad’s ashes are actually behind the goal in the Townend. That was one of his wishes in his will, and the club were more than willing to help and be so generous with their time.
It took me some time to get used to my dad not being there anymore with me going to football, one of the first people who I would WhatsApp on an away day after watching Swindon win, lose, or draw would be my father. We would talk about the game and discuss what went right or wrong in the game. I would always message when I am on the train home with my mates and how close we are back to Swindon. That has now gone and I have lost that connection in my life and it took a long time to feel normal again.
I hated going to football for a while after Dad’s passing. It did not help that Swindon Town was really struggling and there was a chance in season 2023/24 they could have been relegated to the National League. I found it a struggle most Saturdays going to games, which included away games. I only did a few away games in the 2023/24 season, one of the last ones was in March 2024, which was to Mansfield.
We lost 3-2, and it was a long journey home on the trains with connections at Nottingham, Birmingham, and Cheltenham. Getting back to Swindon at 10.30pm and getting home just before 11pm. It was tough, I said to myself it is really worth it all that travel and emotions, still feeling raw just to watch Swindon lose. I would only go to home games till the end of the season.
A trip to Rome helped me out, my other team, which is AS Roma. For my Birthday in April for the last few years, I made attempts to get to Rome to watch a game and spend some time there. I took my mum there this year and she loved it. In 2024, I went to two games around my birthday, which was the Europa League win over AC Milan and the home game against Bologna a few days later.
There were tears shed after the AC Milan game, Grazie Roma being played over the Tanoy, Roma winning a mentally draining game 2-1 in the mist of a Roman downpour. 60,000 plus in attendance it was a special evening and what a way to spend your 37th birthday in the rain in Rome. Roma lost the game against Bologna 3-1 a few days later to put a damper on the occasion.
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The last year or so, I found myself in better spirits in my personal life and when going to watch football. Last season, going to SN1 to watch Swindon play had a lot of ups and downs. They were rock bottom of the Football League in December 2024, but finished 12th in the league in League Two.
When going to watch football at any level, you get to build relationships and build camaraderie with people who sit in your row. You travel on the same bus, it is always nice to see familiar faces, and it brings a smile to your face when you get to see people who really do not know at all. But for 90 minutes every other weekend they are your best friend.
Time has definitely been a healing process, people have said to me it does get worse before it gets better. I would agree with that. It took its time, but going to football and mixing with other people after a tragic life-changing moment in my life helped me a lot. I have been doing stuff out of my comfort zone and enjoying it. Sport is a wonderful thing, it brings people together and is healing process for people who are going through a tough time in their lives.
By: Scot Munroe / @scot_munroe
Featured Image: @GabFoligno / NurPhoto