What if the Kalmar Union Had a National Football Team?
When is the last time you thought about the Kalmar Union? Yeah, I thought so too. Well, let me rectify that with today’s video where we take a look at a hypothetical national team. A team that is so packed with attacking talent that it could blow away any opponent on a good day, but also lose pathetically on a bad one.
For those of you who didn’t spend your childhood playing historical strategy games and actually had friends let me give you a quick rundown on this union I’ve mentioned. Named after the city of Kalmar where it was sealed on June 17, 1397, it brought together the most powerful medieval Nordic states, Denmark, Sweden and Norway.
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Its architect, Queen Margaret I of Denmark had the backing of the aristocracy of the three Nordic countries, who sought to unify their power in the face of the rising wealth and power of the Hanseatic League and the German expansion into the Baltic territories. Despite a small hiccup, where her son Olaf died aged just 16, Margaret adopted a nephew of hers, and thus the age of a unified Nordic kingdom began.
Despite the aristocracy of the three countries being a driving force for unification, they ultimately led to its dissolution in 1523 through good old-fashioned bickering. Had this state of affairs continued until the present day, the Kalmar union would not only have been one of the richest countries in the world but would also field one hell of a football team.
Starting with the goalkeeper position after talking this national team up so much in the introduction is a bit undignified. Sweden and Denmark are completely out of the reckoning since, especially the Swedes, aren’t having a good time with goalkeeping talent at the moment.
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A case could be made for Fredrik Rønnow, who plays for Union Berlin and maybe even Chelsea’s Filip Jørgensen if he can get regular game time. However I am not quite satisfied, but luckily Eric the Holy is here to help. You see, according to legend, King of Sweden Eric the Holy organized the first-ever crusade into Finland, opening a period of Swedish dominance over the Finnish lands that spanned around 600 years.
Since the Kalmar Union coincided with that period, I feel confident enough to dip into the Finnish pool of talent and select Lukas Hradecky for our goalkeeper position. He might be 35 and it might be soon time to pass on the torch to one of the aforementioned players but the season he had in Leverkusen’s title win ensures his starting position in my eyes.
Since this team is heavily laden with attacking talent, which we will get to in a minute, an unorthodox formation is in order. Going all the way back to the 1920s we can find the 3-3-4 formation used successfully by Herbert Chapman at Arsenal. We need three strapping centre backs to ensure no funny business is heading Hradecky’s way, so let’s start by formulating the backline.
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Barcelona’s Andreas Christensen is an undoubted starter. We will ignore his current injury that has plagued him since August and will concentrate on his undoubted quality which have made him a UEFA Champions League winner with Chelsea and a starter for Barcelona.
To his left and right I could have gone with two wide defenders like Benfica’s Fredrik Aursnes, Julian Ryerson of Borussia Dortmund or Wolfsburg’s Joakim Maehle, but instead, I will rely on good old-fashioned centre backs, keeping the aforementioned players on the bench alongside Victor Lindelöf.
My two starters in the middle are therefore Joachim Andersen of Fulham, who has always been a steady presence in defence and Isak Hien, who is having an amazing season at Atalanta. For our two-man midfield, we head to Portugal where rivals Benfica and Sporting give us Fredrik Aursnes, who can not only play as a central midfielder but also out wide both in midfield and defence and Morten Hjulmand, who is a more defensively minded central midfielder, but still very comfortable on the ball.
Further options from the bench include Brighton’s Matt O’Riley, who hasn’t started enough to warrant a place in our team and veterans Pierre-Emile Højbjerg and Christian Eriksen, who in theory are coming to the end of their international careers and players like Sander Berge, Morten Frendrup or Christian Nørgaard.
To ensure that our midfield isn’t too defensively orientated Martin Ødegaard comes in as our playmaker. One of very few wonderkids from the mid-2010s who actually made it to the peak of his potential, Ødegaard will provide the link between the defence and our attackers, and without him our team would probably start to crumble, just like Arsenal.
Speaking of attackers, boy do we have where to choose from. Just take a look at the names that only make the bench of our imaginary national team, Alexander Sørloth who has 8 goals and 2 assists in under 800 minutes of La Liga action, Fiorentina’s Albert Guðmundsson, United’s Rasmus Højlund, Andreas Skov Olsen, who still hasn’t gotten a big move away from Club Brugge and Anthony Elanga who is looking great this season alongside his Forest colleagues.
All of these players, who would normally walk into most national teams on earth miss out because all of a sudden, up there in the frozen north of Europe people decided to supercharge the production of world-class strikers meaning that I will have to do some shoehorning. Starting from the right we find Tottenham’s Dejan Kulusevski playing on the right in his preferred position.
One of the best wingers on the planet in terms of chance creation, this will come in handy for our two absolute cannons up front. Erling Haaland might have a down season, by his lofty standards, but still remains the best striker on earth at the moment and if nearly a goal a game is not enough for you degenerates, Viktor Gyökeres is here to help.
On the off chance that Erling isn’t feeling it in a particular game, Gyökeres is more than capable of carrying the attack on his own since he is averaging more than a goal per game this season for Sporting and the superclubs are already circling him salivating.
And finally, much like that meme of the three-headed dragon we come to my choice for left wing and Alexander Isak who will be playing out of position. He has at some points throughout his career fulfilled this role and his chance creation numbers are some of the best among Europe’s strikers so I feel confident playing him in this role.
Before we can throw this absolute basket case of a team at various oppositions to see what happens, we need a manager. I know there are no rules against foreign managers for national teams (but I think international football would be much more interesting if there were) so a Nordic manager will be my choice.
Asking a Swedish friend of mine for help with this XI, I also asked him who he thought should manage this team. His response was (and I quote): Some Dane. Even though this was a text conversation I could feel the vitriol behind those two simple words spat out into our conversation, followed by Thomas Frank maybe.
The Brentford coach would be the pertinent choice for such an exciting team, making sure they play good football, but are disciplined enough. However, I would like to sprinkle some extra pizazz into the mix by bringing in Ole Gunnar Solskjær as co-manager. Since this is a video about a national team of a partnership of countries, a managerial partnership is in order, especially since, as strikers go, the Baby-Faced Assassin would have a lot to teach our young front line.
By: Eduard Holdis / @He_Ftbl
Featured Image: @GabFoligno / Craig Williamson – SNS Group